i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
