I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Soap is not a condiment
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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