I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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