The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
