It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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