i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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