GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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