Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize