PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
