Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think my moral compass just broke
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
