Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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