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Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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