Moan for me like Helen Keller
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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