How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
