I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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