If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
