he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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