Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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