Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
