I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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