At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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