omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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