Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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