THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
