how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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