I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
