I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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