I murdered the dance floor call the cops
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Acid is not a monday night drug
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
