I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
