I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
