My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
