Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
