The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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