I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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