Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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