Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
