I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
