please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
