Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
