Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
