She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
