She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
