My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
