I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
