New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
