Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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