Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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