grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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