dude i'm inner monologue high
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
