I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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