It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize