it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
