Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
