This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
