never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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