i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
