May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
