Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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