Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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