If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
