Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
