5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
