I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
